lick a butt

foreword: this article may seem woman-centric, but that's just because i wanted to focus on one example of this ridiculousness. in reality, men face many pressures too. but the end point is still the same, no matter who we are talking about.

please tell me why it is, that a guy can flaunt his hairy face and body without feeling any social pressure to shave. why is it that he doesn't have to worry about having perfect skin? why is that that he can wear a flannel shirt buttoned up to his neck, jeans, a hat, and tennis shoes every day- every fucking day- and that is totally acceptable. meaning, he doesn't have to TRY any harder to get girls (or guys) to notice him, or to make himself look desirable in order to attract potential love interests.

but A GIRL- if a girl did the same thing every day, her chances of attracting potential love interests would normally be mitigated. (i am speaking from first hand experience-of spending a vast majority of my life wearing less than feminine clothes and seeing the results from it. and then one day when i would wear something feminine, all of a sudden i had 5 guys talking to me who never even knew i existed before). here is an example (almost verbatim) of a totally ridiculous comment made to me last year by a straight male acquaintance...a typical art indie student..the kind you automatically expect to think at least a LITTLE differently than mainstream society. so i was even more blown away after hearing what he had to say when this discussion came up:

"shannon, you're like a little kid. you don't seem like a mature woman yet. because of the way you dress, and how you act. i mean, you wear hoodies and jeans every day. you don't present yourself like a woman. and just your actions-are really kid like."

WHAT???? mind blown. once again reiterating the point that we are conditioned to expect certain things from the other gender. women are supposed to dress a certain way, look a certain way, and act a certain way. and when we don't we are disregarded and go unnoticed in the battle of "finding a mate." and why is this? who is to blame? ourselves. we are responsible for creating our own boundaries and making ourselves slaves to these rules. and the only way to break out of these chains is to NOT GO ALONG WITH these stupid expectations. men expect women to look a certain way, because women have been doing it forever, and its normal now. if women stopped doing it, men would eventually get used to it and accept all women for who they really are. not covered in make up, wearing push up bras, form-fitting clothes, or having perfectly smooth, virtually hairless skin.

why do women put themselves through all of that? because throughout history (and even still today), women have been a minority. as much as you don't like to hear that, it's true. and from being a minority stems the desire to be accepted, loved and desired. even narcissistic tendencies may be developed. in order to achieve acceptance, desirability, etc., women have helped developed, and given in to, a number of "eye-catching" techniques. when you are accepted, and noticed, you feel better about yourself. it is empowering. or is it? is it empowering or just a temporary fix for narcissism? it's the same question that can be asked for "sexy" photography, the stripping and porn professions, etc. any of those things that some neo-feminists claim make women feel more empowered. i say the real way to make myself feel empowered is to not give a shit about making someone else notice me. to feel comfortable in my own skin and not feel pressured to fit a certain stereotype that dominates the advertising industry (which is run by people who either accept these stereotypes, or have the goal of making more money and making things even MORE sexy and therefore developing even more unrealistic images of people).

people argue that having sex appeal is important to maintain a healthy relationship. this is true...but you have to remember that ultimately, our perception of "sexy" is altered dramatically by everything we are exposed to. it IS possible to be attractive to your significant other without changing the way you look, wearing ridiculous lingerie, increasing your bust size, or even changing the way you act. im pretty sure men still manage to be sexy without objectifying themselves with lingerie. why cant we do the same? women, PLEASE stop adhering to these archaic, insulting rituals. please help subvert these stupid expectations we have of each other. only WE can break free from the chains we have put ourselves in.